The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem

                                          Nathaniel Branden

Self-esteem in simple term denotes the respect that one has for the self, and it is an important factor that determines how we achieve our goals. Nathaniel Branden’s The Six Pillars of Self Esteem talks about six different practices to improve our self-esteem which includes awareness, acceptance, responsibility, assertiveness, purposefulness and integrity.

• Self-esteem is like an immune system

Self-esteem is an immune system of the consciousness as it provides immense strength, power and resistance for us. We may face so many difficulties in our daily life and may struggle to achieve our targets. But with self-esteem, we can solve them easily. Just like calcium is essential for our body, so is self-esteem for psychological development. To have self-esteem is to have expectations about our abilities. It is this expectation that becomes the driving motivation for our goals to become a reality.

• Self-esteem makes you face obstacles

Self-esteem helps you to face the hardships with confidence and there is also a less chance for the problem that we tend to create. It is proven that the person with high and low self-esteem act differently even if they are given the same problems. The way we respond to the problems determines the level of self-esteem inherent within us.

1. Live consciously

Living our life with consciousness is the first step to build self-esteem. This simply means to differentiate between three things which include facts, interpretation and emotion. In many situations, we make mistakes in understanding them. It is important to retain our mind-set and they can be addressed with questions like “how I am feeling right now”, “The reason for my feeling” etc. Always check if your actions are in tune with your emotions and feelings.

2. Accept yourself and be happy

Self-acceptance and self-responsibility are the two main factors that lead to self-esteem. When we choose our ethics and values, we are trying to accept ourselves. It is also important to know that accepting yourself does not mean that you justify your actions. For e.g., if you were angry with someone and have hurt the person, justifying your negative behaviour is not self-acceptance instead, it is understanding the reasons that made you angry. This will help you to change your negative habits and behaviour to a positive one. The third pillar of self-esteem is self-responsibility. It controls your actions and behaviour to yield better results. Remember that it is only you who can make yourself happy. So always be responsible for your actions. This will motivate and empower you in doing good.

3. Importance of Self-assertiveness

Self-assertiveness defines your very identity. When you express your identity, you are actually empowering yourself with self-esteem. Most of the time we don’t express our likes and dislikes publically. We keep our opinions within ourselves. But people with high self-esteem actually stand up for any situations or problems that come to them. This can empower you to move forward.

4. Live your life with integrity and purpose

These are the two essential factors to have a good self-esteem for yourself. Having clarity of purpose for living will make your actions oriented to it. This helps you to stay focused without any distractions. Just having an idea about the purpose of living is not enough, instead, you have to check your progress each day to ensure that you are going in the right direction. It is also necessary to have your personal integrity even with the smallest things in life. This is also important to have good self-esteem.

5. Role of elders in developing self esteem

A child’s self-esteem can be developed by elders like parents and teachers. It is proven that the child’s living factors like money, education, class or status does not influence the self-esteem of the child instead it is the quality of the relationship between members that matters. Parents can easily influence their children. Accepting the ideas of children, making them know about their self-esteem and setting clear boundaries can increase self-esteem. Teachers should also aim in accepting the actions of kids and motivating them.

Self-esteem influences our actions and behaviour. People with high self-esteem can easily manage themselves in any situations. Therefore, this will enable them to come out from the challenges in life and move forward with their dreams and aspirations. People with low self-esteem cannot be satisfied or become happy in things they do. Therefore, it is important to develop self-esteem to be successful.

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