Get Out of Your Own Way

–  Dave Hollis

            Get Out of Your Own Way (2020) by Dave Hollis is the perfect antidote for a skeptic, caught in the web of self-criticism. The book explores and rectifies the cynical thoughts and self-defeating behaviours that hinder the growth of an individual, both emotionally and physically. It is easily accessible to self- help skeptics with low self-esteem, and those who are willing to upgrade their relationship status to a promising level.

How does one answer the ‘Why ‘ questions in your life? These are existential questions pondering the purpose and meaning of life. The adage ‘Self-help is the best help’ is the most suitable answer. Even at the peak of his career, Dave Hollis felt miserable and discontented. His daily routine consisted of long hours of work, drinking and he was not a family person. He normalised that so-called ‘perfect’ behaviour for a long time, ignoring the voices of dissatisfaction in his head. Surrendering to the misguiding thoughts such as, ‘you are likeable because of your wealth’ controlled his life, and would further glue him down to similar situations. He claims that these sinister voices can be challenged and defeated by committing yourself to a journey of personal growth.

Don’t mix personal values into professional life. The most curious and inescapable question you encounter when meeting a new person is, ‘What is your job? You eagerly try to amaze them with your white collar job, like the ‘Head of Sales for Walt Disney’. This excites the other person, but internally you mask the disappointment in your profession. Author Dave Hollis had a similar job at Disney. He was the sales executive, with their team hitting desired targets and sales soaring high. But, Dave acknowledged and identified himself with his job title and nothing more. A successful career in the eyes of others, was not truly an asset for Dave. Disturbed by agonising thoughts, he decided to put an end to everything and took a daring step to quit his job. The new role as CEO of a small start-up owned by his wife Rachel, gave new perspectives to his otherwise static life. He decided to define his self-worth on the values he possessed and the love he shared with the people around him.

Workplace honesty is often frowned upon and neglected as a weak spot of the employee. Exposing your flaw is equivalent to admitting your defeat and giving others power over you. Dave had always put up a grim solid face and used a combative approach for negotiations, while working for Disney. It was rap singer Eminem’s character in the movie 8 Mile paved way for Dave’s self- reflection. The character inspired him to transform his weaknesses into strength. Shedding the invincible cover improved his personal and professional relationships.

Acknowledge the fact that failures are inevitable in the road to success. The book Mindset by Carol Dweck and personal example of his son Jackson, taught Dave that the power to change resides in oneself. Dave, for a long time, had been functioning with what psychologist Dweck called, a fixed mindset. This limited his enormous potentiality and skills. But the book introduced him to the concept of a growth mindset, a strong belief that anything could be achieved with perseverance and determination. By trusting himself and choosing a growth mindset approach, Dave witnessed remarkable changes in his life. Experiencing and overcoming painful moments will make you stronger in the face of obstacles.  Glimpses from the life of Dave and Rachel, inspires and exhorts the reader that, with love, courage and mutual understanding, any hurdles could be crossed.

What is the love language of your partner? According to Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the book The 5 Love Languages, most couples don’t share a love language. The preferences of each individual varies differently and assuming that ‘this is best for my partner’ may not always end up in the affirmative. Nurturing deep love and understanding between each other would build stronger relationships. Be the change that time and situations demand from you, because to be the best partner you need to evolve and play different roles at different times. Encouraging your partner instead of undermining the progress will escalate the trust and faith between the couples. Discussing and recognising the needs of each other helps to support your partner more and connect on a deeper level.

Beware of presumptions, as they can be deceptive. Do you fall prey to conclusions? Sometimes analysing and reconsidering the judgements passed, will prove you wrong. It took Dave joining a multicultural church community to realise the numerous levels of oppression faced by the black community. He was also unable to fathom the workplace segregation and unconscious bias against women, the LGBTQ community and the marginalised sections.

Challenge the restraining factors and limiting thoughts that block your path of growth. It is fear of failure and rejection that prevents you from taking daring steps in your life. If you want to fully satisfy and fill your life with happiness, accept that personal growth is unavoidable. The book inspires you to confront the hardships life throws at you only to go back to sleep with no regrets.

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